If you’ve typed this question into a search bar late at night, you’re not alone. Many people who’ve lived through emotional or narcissistic abuse spend years wondering if they’re the one to blame. The fact that you’re asking, and that you care about how you treat others, says a lot about you.
What It Can Look Like
- Replaying conversations over and over, looking for what you did wrong.
- Apologizing constantly, even when you’re not sure why.
- Being told you’re “too sensitive,” “crazy,” or “dramatic.”
- Feeling confused about what really happened in an argument.
- Second-guessing your memory, feelings, or decisions.
- Walking on eggshells to avoid setting someone off.
- Feeling like you’ve lost the person you used to be.
Why It Happens
In unhealthy relationships, blame often gets shifted onto the other person. Gaslighting, denying things that happened, twisting your words, or rewriting history can slowly wear down your trust in yourself. Over time, self-doubt can start to feel like the truth.
Everyone makes mistakes, and healthy people can own theirs. But taking responsibility for your part is very different from carrying the blame for someone else’s behavior. Sorting out which is which can be hard to do alone.
How Our Work Together Helps
I offer an honest, caring outside view. I won’t just tell you what you want to hear, and I won’t pile on blame either. In our sessions, we can:
- Look at the patterns in your relationship with clear eyes.
- Learn to recognize gaslighting and blame-shifting.
- Separate healthy accountability from shame.
- Rebuild confidence in your memory, feelings, and choices.
- Rediscover who you are and what you need.
Sessions are online, so you can talk openly from a private space.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I really did do some things wrong?
Most people have. Therapy is a safe place to look at that honestly, without being defined by it, and to understand the bigger picture of the relationship.
How do I know if it’s abuse or just a bad relationship?
It isn’t always easy to tell. Repeated control, fear, belittling, or making you doubt reality are warning signs. I can help you sort through what you’re experiencing.
Will therapy tell me who’s to blame?
Therapy isn’t a courtroom. The goal is clarity, healing, and helping you decide what’s healthy for you going forward.
Ready to Talk?
You deserve to trust yourself again. Call me at (970) 541-0890 or use the contact form to schedule an online session.
Your safety matters. If you are in danger, call 911. If you are thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). For support with abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.